About Happiness Or Chaos Or Childhood

My theatre-teacher says I always make sad characters. When I am able to be more joyous, I must put a bit of pulp in it. I.e. the lady that says the dad-to-be ... <>.
Why am I so tragic and sad when I try to act (even if it is improvization, it's a way of playing, I suppose)?
I feel myself a joyous people. A little melanchonic, especially in this period, but full of hopes.
What stops me? What stops my skill to be happy on the scene - or patinoire, as we improviser call the acting scene?
It cannot be only the need to sleep... I know I am tired, 300 km or a bit more by car in a day, a 5 hour lesson in Milan and so on are quite heavy... but there must be something more.
Why I ask you that?
Because you don't know me so much, but you have different way to think. I always search for various opinions.
When I was child, the question I made to everybody was "What's wrong about me?". Nobody answered, but everybody continue to avoid me.
Now I learned to make question less strong. But I continue to want to discover my faults, my mistakes, my lacks.
It's a period for questions.... excuse me...
In a certain way, I talked about chaos in my life, about my childhood and about happiness... but not in the exact way I intended to. I'll talk better about them in the next future.

Silence

Only a bit of time, and lots of things to say...
Then, it happens that life goes on, things follow their way, and we have no time to stop and tell others everything... about the world that is around us and the thougts that pass in my mind.
I feel just like I abandoned all of you.
Give me some suggestions! I feel this blog must follow new rules... new subjects...
Tell me what you want to read about.
Thanks, my friends.